not a very good issue this week

[captain_phil]

Space Alien Wakes from Coma, thanks to kiss of life from Condi

Take off Pounds Fast with the Airline Food Diet

Alien to head up Homeland Security

Late Sleeping Bird Catches Worm

and my favorite...

John and Teresa Heinz Kerry's Ketchup Sex Secret

also of note to sharkbait and puck_nut, is this little morsel... "The average American Male can accurately recite at least six lines from The Godfather, Parts 1 and 2"