warning...

[captain_phil]

1.A  vulture  boards an  airplane,  carrying  two
dead raccoons.The stewardess looks at him and says,
"I'm sorry,sir, only one carrion allowed per
passenger."

2.Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  The one turns
to the other and says "Dam!".

3.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire  in  the  craft.   Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.

4.Two  hydrogen  atoms  meet.  One  says  "I've  lost
my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The
first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5.Did  you  hear  about  the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal?  His goal: transcend
dental medication.

6.A  group  of  chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories.After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?"  they  asked, as they moved off. "Because",
he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer."

7.A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan." Years  later,  Juan  sends a picture
of himself to his birth mother.Upon receiving  the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal.Her husband responds,
"They're  twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."

8.These  friars  were  behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God,a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair.He asked the good fathers to
close down, but they would not.He went back and begged
the friars to close.They ignored him.So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh  beat  up  the  friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.

9.Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses
on his feet.He also ate very little,which made him
rather frail and with his odd diet,he suffered from
bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed
by halitosis.


10.And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to his friends,with the hope that at
least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in
ten did.